Blasting toward the edge of time

I walk across the sand just trying

to make some miles before the portal closes.

Conscious of my aches and pains

my muscles scream from constant strain,

but still I put one foot before the other.

I find that I am way too tired

standing with my feet so mired

in promises I knew I couldn’t keep.

But now is not the time to wallow.

I chew upon my pride and swallow

years of wasted grants and endless research.

Triple checked each calculation

knowing what my ‘valuation

meant to those who fled the crushing hatred.

No matter how much that I tried

with all the numbers cross multiplied

the answers came up less than optimistic.

I chose to be a hero touted

as the one who bravely shouted,

“Follow me, and I will be your savior!”

Told them we would find our freedom.

No longer would we have to let ‘em

hurt us just because we don’t conform.

Not the first time that I wanted

more than what the others flaunted

held aloft and touted as superior.

But who was I to play a god

who casts about his mighty rod

to sentence those below to persecution?

My recent actions make me cringe

as I stand upon the furthest fringe

and gaze into my certain dissemination.

Just before the worlds collide

I consider what my ounce of pride

reaped without remorse or resolution.

I know that I deserve to die

for all the times I chose to lie

to faces full of hope and desperation.

Before my marrow’s mortal dance

I wish that I had one more chance

to change my story despite their disappointment.

To tell them they’re already gone

and best thing is to just stay strong

and make their peace and preparations.

I’m the last to venture through

hoping I am one of few

who beats the odds and comes out unaffected.

As my atoms strip away

my bones begin to bend and sway

the gravity just too much for concentration.

Still there is no actual pain.

Molecules fall like drops of rain

A raging flood of moral contradiction.

Blinding light ignites and swirls

Convulsions rip across my world

This may be my last communication.