Blasting toward the edge of time
I walk across the sand just trying
to make some miles before the portal closes.
Conscious of my aches and pains
my muscles scream from constant strain,
but still I put one foot before the other.
I find that I am way too tired
standing with my feet so mired
in promises I knew I couldn’t keep.
But now is not the time to wallow.
I chew upon my pride and swallow
years of wasted grants and endless research.
Triple checked each calculation
knowing what my ‘valuation
meant to those who fled the crushing hatred.
No matter how much that I tried
with all the numbers cross multiplied
the answers came up less than optimistic.
I chose to be a hero touted
as the one who bravely shouted,
“Follow me, and I will be your savior!”
Told them we would find our freedom.
No longer would we have to let ‘em
hurt us just because we don’t conform.
Not the first time that I wanted
more than what the others flaunted
held aloft and touted as superior.
But who was I to play a god
who casts about his mighty rod
to sentence those below to persecution?
My recent actions make me cringe
as I stand upon the furthest fringe
and gaze into my certain dissemination.
Just before the worlds collide
I consider what my ounce of pride
reaped without remorse or resolution.
I know that I deserve to die
for all the times I chose to lie
to faces full of hope and desperation.
Before my marrow’s mortal dance
I wish that I had one more chance
to change my story despite their disappointment.
To tell them they’re already gone
and best thing is to just stay strong
and make their peace and preparations.
I’m the last to venture through
hoping I am one of few
who beats the odds and comes out unaffected.
As my atoms strip away
my bones begin to bend and sway
the gravity just too much for concentration.
Still there is no actual pain.
Molecules fall like drops of rain
A raging flood of moral contradiction.
Blinding light ignites and swirls
Convulsions rip across my world
This may be my last communication.