- Lose weight. How about just not gaining any new weight? It’s practically the same as losing weight. I know me, and I think this is a realistic objective. Say no to new weight!!!
- Get a hobby. I have hobbies: sleeping, drinking, and watching TV. What did you have in mind?
- Exercise more. Ha! Moving on…
- Get into a meaningful relationship. Try a relationship with basil. I love basil. It doesn’t snore, it expects nothing from me except water and sunlight, plus I can eat it. It’s delightful.
- Be more positive. Have you watched the news? I think I’m pretty fucking positive, considering. I got out of bed this morning, didn’t I? Get off my back.
- Make more money. This one I can get behind. As long as I don’t have to work more hours.
- Volunteer somewhere. You betcha, as long as I get paid (refer to number 6.)
- Spend less…
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