A Birch’s Guide to Exercise

Image result for dilbert exercise

  1. Exercise is like Fight Club. If you don’t talk about it, it doesn’t exist.
  2. Don’t get caught up in its vicious cycle. The more you exercise, the more you have to exert yourself to raise your heart rate. Why do that when a half-flight of stairs does the same thing with no effort at all? It’s simple math.
  3. Floating in a pool, board games, and jigsaw puzzles are forms of exercise especially if you play with family, and you’re the only one who voted for Hillary, in which case, I would limit said exercise to Thanksgiving and Christmas. It will offset the mashed potatoes and gravy.
  4. A good workout should be rewarded with a cold drink, and by that I mean beer. And my workout I mean laundry or going to the grocery store.
  5. If you accidentally exercise, make sure you tell everybody on Facebook. Who knows when you’ll get another chance to brag?

         “Wow, I took out the recycles today!”

  1. NO PAIN, no pain. This is key to a well-balanced exercise plan. I cannot emphasize this enough. Pain does not equal gain on any scale in the world. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I am available as a personal trainer. You won’t lose weight, but we’ll have a lot of fun.

Image result for dilbert exercise

This birch likes list. do you? I have more…

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About angelallindseth

Putting the finishing touches on The Contraption, a dystopian novel dealing with conversion therapy and social inequality. It's The Handmaid's Tale meets Divergent.
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